Being alone as a gay man has nothing to do with being single
A full calendar. Friends. A relationship. And still alone. On the difference between openness and being seen There are men with full calendars. Friends. Plans. A relationship. A life that makes sense on paper. They’re not single. They’re alone. Some men learn early: I’m not allowed to be really seen. Desire as something to hide. […]
Out for years. Still adapting.
You’ve been yourself for years. You still adapt. On the habit that no longer needs anaudience There are men who have been out for years. They live openly. They have a story. They know who they are. At work there’s a different version. In bed sometimes too. Adaptation as loyalty to the environment. You learn […]
Coaching for gay men: what it is and what it isn’t
He functions fine. There’s just something he can’t place. On what coaching for gay men actually involves Someone sends me a message. He’s 38. Been thinking about it for a few years. Not therapy. He’s not in crisis. He functions. That too. There’s just something he can’t place. A lot of work. A lot of […]
Coming out at 35
Coming out has a beginning. No end. On men who have lived openly for years and still conceal something they can’t quite name. There’s a man of 35 who introduces his partner to his friends. For a long time he thought: this is the hardest part. This moment. After this, it’s over. It wasn’t over. […]
Gay expat in Amsterdam — belonging without feeling at home
Amsterdam seemed like the place. Belonging and feeling at home are not the samething. For gay expats who don’t quite land. Amsterdam is a city full of people from somewhere else. Gay expats are everywhere. Men who came here for the freedom, the openness. For the feeling that this is the place. And then. Belonging […]
Why intimacy as a gay man sometimes feels so difficult
There are men who understand everything and still don’t move differently. On intimacy, adaptation, and what the body remembers. There are men who have everything they wanted. A job. An apartment. A life that looks right. Something doesn’t quite land. Contact that stays at the surface. Touch that feels like a question you don’t know […]