— Hello, there!
I’m Sander Kammenga
Personalized coaching for gay men
You’ve built a life here. Now, let’s make it feel like home
You’ve built a life here. Now, let’s make it feel like home.
It works. It looks right on paper. And yet something doesn’t quite land. A feeling that somewhere along the way you lost a bit of yourself. That you perform, deliver, show up — but there’s little room for what you actually want.
That’s not a flaw. It’s something many men recognise. And rarely say out loud.
I’m Sander. Your partner in growth.
I work with gay men who already know themselves — but don’t yet know what it feels like to follow themselves. I know what it’s like to always want to be strong, to set the bar impossibly high and carry everything alone. Not from a book. From lived experience.
I work relationally, somatically, and systemically. Not with step-by-step plans. Not with methods that work for everyone.
Pillars of Transformation
Hearing yourself
Knowing isn’t the same as feeling. You learn to listen to what’s happening beneath the surface.
Making real contact
Not the kind of contact you manage, but the kind that actually reaches you — even when someone gets close.
Your own direction
The direction that feels right from the inside — choosing from who you are, not from habit.
We work at your pace.
Sometimes it’s about work. About how you present yourself, what you swallow, what it costs. Sometimes it’s about intimacy. About the difference between having contact and actually being seen. Sometimes it’s about something you can’t quite name but have felt for a long time.
You don’t need to know exactly what it is to begin.
There are two ways.
You and me.
Seven sessions, over three to four months. At your pace, with what's really going on. Online or in Amsterdam.
A small group of like-minded men.
Five days, moving through the same layers: shame, desire, what you've been carrying for years.
Waiting list — group journey
We’re working with a waiting list for the group journey. Leave your email and we’ll reach out when a spot becomes available.
You don’t have to translate it here.
If you’re a woman, you’d probably look for a female coach. Not because a man couldn’t do it. But because there’s something in shared understanding that you don’t have to explain. The same applies here. I know what it’s like to learn to hide your desire early.
I know what adaptation looks like from the inside. Not from a book. From lived experience. That doesn’t mean I know your story. It means you don’t have to translate it here.
"The coaching gave me the safety I hadn't dared let in for years."
"I now listen much more closely to what I feel. That lets me make choices that actually fit me."
"You're a coach with genuine attention and a way of working that is both warm and challenging."
My Insights
A full calendar. Friends. A relationship. And still alone. On the difference between openness and being seen There are men with full calendars. Friends. Plans.
You’ve been yourself for years. You still adapt. On the habit that no longer needs anaudience There are men who have been out for years.
He functions fine. There’s just something he can’t place. On what coaching for gay men actually involves Someone sends me a message. He’s 38. Been
Coming out has a beginning. No end. On men who have lived openly for years and still conceal something they can’t quite name. There’s a
Amsterdam seemed like the place. Belonging and feeling at home are not the samething. For gay expats who don’t quite land. Amsterdam is a city
There are men who understand everything and still don’t move differently. On intimacy, adaptation, and what the body remembers. There are men who have everything
F.A.Q.
For gay men who aren’t in crisis, but notice something feels off. Dutch locals and expats. Online and in Amsterdam.
Dutch and English. Your choice.
Both. Whatever works for you.
Everything we discuss stays between us. I work in accordance with European privacy law (GDPR).
High-functioning men often carry chronic tension without noticing. Take 3 minutes to discover where you are still shape-shifting—and what it’s costing your vitality.
